By the time she finally rose from her warm bed, it was already half past noon. Too late for breakfast. Too early for lunch. She wasn’t in the mood for either one. She wasn’t in the mood for the things she had planned to do. The laundry wasn’t done. Her cat Brie needed food. Her fridge needed refilling. And she had run out of beer.
Rain, I hate this god damn rain, she said out loud, yelling almost. She made a quick coffee, grabbed a pen and a clean piece of paper, and then went back to her bed. She had the urge to write him a letter, to let him know she still loved him, still felt the touch of his hands against her skin, still longed for his kiss, for his smell, for his touch. She was still in love with him. She wanted to write. She began jutting down words that first came to her mind, words that revealed all the feelings she had abandoned for so long, words she had longed to scream out. She poured everything out, her fears, her tears, her anger, her love, her hatred. It was as if she was living those emotions all over again, feeling them with her every bone. In the letter, she walked down the beach with him again, kissed him again, went back in time to when they were both young and in love and engaged. She lived with him again, and laughed with him and drank with him and danced with him. She became the girl she now envied, the happy girl in her memories that danced and laughed and loved the rain.
And then it stopped raining. She couldn’t write anymore. She was done. Her phone rang but she ignored it. She decided to take a sleeping pill and sleep the rest of the afternoon, the rest of the evening, the rest of the night. There was no reason to be awake, to make sense out of life, to drink, to write, to fall in love, to make love, to work, to exist. There was no purpose. Even happiness had ceased to exist for her. Everything hurt, every memory with him, without him, it all hurt too much.
She slept through a second coming of rain, and the thunder storm that followed, and she never heard the continuous ringing of her phone, or his voice message that said “I love you and I will come back if you let me.”