There is a bittersweet thunderstorm that has kept me awake, eager to write, even inspired. I don’t want it to end. It’s sort of nice, anticipating the loud thunder right after the lightning. I’ve been meaning to write all day and now, as night ends, I’ve found the perfect time to start.
Lately, everyone is leaving. My younger friends from high school are leaving town for college. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who stayed. But I’ve been thinking more about it, and the more I think, the more I feel that I did what was best for me at the time. I considered all of my options. And now, in this bittersweet rainstorm, I feel good about being here. It’s strange, for a part of me has always wanted to run. But for the first time everything feels right, like I did everything for the right reasons. So many things have happened; I have changed so much. I even want to say that I did unwind, a lot more than I thought possible. I know so much more now about myself and why I’ve chosen this path.
And yet, running from here is a thrilling thought. Walking out, driving away as if there is no tomorrow, rolling the windows down all the way, and pushing on gas.
Maybe we just need time to know ourselves better, to see what we love and don’t love, what we want and what we are afraid of. Part of me will always be afraid. Part of me will always prefer something secure, something familiar. And then, there will be that one day where the other part will take over, breaking all the rules, running for an ideal dream.