Today was another visit to the most beautiful place I have ever seen in Iran. This place is the location of palaces of the previous kings of Iran. These palaces are gorgeous with a magnificent view. As you walk down the hill you are surrounded by trees. Some of these palaces have pools. Then there is river running down below. There are also a couple of museums.
I was walking down there and I was in awe. I never imagined such a beautiful place in Iran. This is because back when I was little we were mostly in the streets of Tehran and there wasn’t much beauty. As I looked around I noticed how much I really wanted to stay there. How much I wanted to spend every minute walking down that beautiful hill surrounded by beauty and knowing my family is there including all my cousins. Yet again I can not live there. I just can’t. It is too sad to even say it to myself, but it is the truth. Unfortunately I can?t have everything I want. I don’t think anyone does.
I’m not displeased. I’m not sad. I’m actually very happy because I got to live two very beautiful lives, each one nice in its own ways, each missing something big. I accept it because that is what my life is. It is still enjoyable. I have so many things to be thankful for. And I have to say that I love my life.

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The city is crowded. It is full of people going many different ways. Each individual looks different. The women have to cover their hair. Some cover it fully, others cover it half way. Some have no make up at all, others have a lot on. Some wear bright colors and tight clothes, others wear black and loose clothes. These women have not accomplished what they were after. These women did not have their dreams come true. These women are after something more, something better. Their identity is hidden by their covered faces and bodies. Their emotions are beneath the make-up. Their eyes are used to the everyday show, they can’t look any further for a change. These women have to deal with stares and remarks by some men everyday. These women have no rights. They have no freedom. These women are smart and talented, but unfortunately no one can see it. No one gives them an opportunity to show-off their talents. They have to keep it to themselves. These women are hard working. They don,t give up. They walk through the crowded city, go through the heat while wearing too many clothes, go through remarks and stares, go through traffic, and every other obstacle, yet they still walk and hold their heads high to show that they are not afraid.

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My eyes are open
To see what they missed
In four years.
They missed the traffic
The mountains
And the familiar faces
My ears listen
To hear what they missed
In four years.
They missed the birds
The cars
And the voices of many
My lips had forgotten
The delicious taste of
Ice-cream
My hands missed the handles
Of taxies and the key
To my unforgotten house
I missed a lot of things
While I was away
But I didn’t forget a thing.

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As I walked up the stairs I thought of the last time I had been in our house. It was a long time ago, about four years ago. I had been 11 years-old. I had such great memories in our house and in every part of Tehran that I had been to.
For a long while I thought that I’m dreaming. I thought that I’m just in a beautiful dream. Even though I constantly thought it is a dream, I knew it was real.

Continue reading My House In Tehran

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I had a dream of you
Lying by my side
Whispering softly
With a smile you couldn’t hide.
I had a dream of you
Kissing me under the night sky
Holding my hands close to your face
In a way that made me wonder why.
I had a dream of you
Embracing me while I cried
When I was upset
For the fact that you had lied.
I had a dream of you
Leaving me in the rain
Saying good-bye
While I dealt with so much pain.
I had a dream of you
One last time
Before reality hit me
That you were mine

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When I go back to the place where my home once was, I will carefully look and absorb things with my eyes. I will write down every thing that catches my eyes. My mom told me to look carefully because I won’t see the same things I see here. I have to try to remember everything so that I will know how much I have to be thankful for once I get back. For me this trip will not be like any other trip that I ever went to. This will be different. This trip will bring back many memories and the fact that I no longer live there hurts a bit. And that is because I have to see my people without the things I have. That will be very hard to take.

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Why is the world so complicated? Why is life so complicated?
Are we the ones making it complicated or was it meant to be complicated?
All I know is that that’s the way it is. We have to deal with it even if it is complicated. Nothing is done easily. Nothing can be done if there is no hard work for it. If it was just one happy simple life, then would people really work hard? Would they care to make a difference? I don’t think so. Sometimes the challenge is what people want. They want to work for it and challenge themselves.
Right now my life is very complicated. Maybe not exactly for me, but for my parents. There are too many things to think and worry about. It is just too difficult to even think about it. So I’m just leaving it to God. He will decide.

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School is almost over. I am glad. I am longing to take a break. I am longing to escape. This time I will go to Iran, my home, miles and miles away. There are paths and places that I need to see again. There are important family members that I must see.
I don’t complain about my life. How can I when I know that I am lucky to be where I am and to have what I have. I could not ask for more. But there is something that I must ask God to give me. And that is for my sister and brother to join us in America.
I am where I need to be. And that is what matters. Because if you are not where you want to be, then what is the meaning of life? Life is full of everything. Things that are meant to be and things that can change. In order to alter these things, there must be confidence and a positive attitude. If you are so negative that you think there is nothing you can do to change something, then how are you going to live the rest of your life?

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With only one chance to live
why not smile and believe
that something extraordinary
could happen.
Why not forget the worries
and forget the pain
and focus only on the spring breez.
Why not stop waiting
for a reason to make us smile,
why not smile even when it is raining.
We only live once
to make our dreams come true
so let it be with a smile
and not with a frown.

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