How many times did I sigh today, how many times did I say “whatever”, how many times did I tell myself it’s all pointless, don’t get caught up in pointless matters?
I just want to sit here tonight, not think, not speak, just write. Write about what I want, what I care for, what I hate and I love. I just want to write without thinking of realities, or bigger pictures, or how it will affect my readers. I simply want to write. I don’t care for realities.
My ship has sunk tonight. I’m in a sea and I’m drowning. But this sea is calm, static. Yet, I’m still struggling, I’m still drowning…and I don’t know why.
This isn’t a losing battle. It’s not out of depression or pity. I just have to pour it out, the thoughts that are running in my head, the thoughts that I no longer care for and that I must somehow recycle.
How do you recycle your thoughts? How do you get rid of the internal waste that piles up in your own head?
I just want to sit here tonight, stare into nothing, be nothing, want nothing, know nothing.
I want nothingness, oblivion…
I’m tired of wanting, of caring, of being…