I spent the weekend alone, for the first time it was just me and the streets of Madrid. Madrid and I have a lot in common. We like the sun. We lust coffee and ice-cream and sun dresses. We admire gorgeous women and handsome gentlemen. And we like walking without destination, without prior thought.
So I walked around and discovered new places. I had coffee in the middle of the afternoon before lunch and then later sat on the grass amongst others and the wind blew in my face and my hair became tangled. I laid on my back and closed my eyes and when I opened them again I knew I was in the happiest state of being, I was content with everything around me and everything about myself. I watched the people around me, drinking beer, smoking a pipe, with their music or a book on their lap. I sat by the little fountain and the wind became stronger so then I decided to go home. I got home at 7 and had dinner with Senora and her boyfriend and we talked about Iran and the Shah and the revolution and the war and everything that was wrong with the world. Then I saw Cruel Intentions in Spanish and fell in love with Ryan Phillipe all over again and downloaded the bittersweet symphony soundtrack and have been listening to it since.
Today I walked around my house, but crossed over to the opposite side so I could see what’s on the other side. I passed a little playground, which I never knew existed. On my way back I craved ice-cream so I got one from McDonalds for 75 cents and enjoyed it under the sun. I then tried on a dress from Mango and felt quite amazing and then left without buying it, which made me a bit sad. None of my friends are available today and I haven’t spoken to anyone in three days and I am so ready to get on my plane to Brussels and just sleep.
I have gotten used to Madrid now and although that initial spark of lust is somewhat lost, I still love it everyday when I wake up and know that it is mine and that I can come back one day and start all over again. Sometimes you live a different life and you realize you can do more than you thought you could. You realize the world is bigger and there are more people to meet and you are inspired to change not for others but for yourself. You get a set of keys and a new room and you speak a language that isn’t yours and yet you feel entitled to it. You miss a little of what you left back home but then you enjoy the new and the bizarre and you live in the moment and make sense out of it. Then you get used to it and it becomes natural and amazing and beautiful and you don’t want to leave.
And that’s what I’ve come to realize.