The ride back home was long. I didn’t say a word. I stared out the window, watching the trees like I was 12 again, curious to see nature’s wonders. We drove in silence, a heavy, unbearable silence. The roads were clear, the sky a pale blue, limitless, inviting. I wish I could ask her to take me away. I wish I could ask her to drive to Manhattan and leave me there. So what if I’d be alone, so what if I’d have to find my own way into the city. I wish I could…
Maybe it’s my pillow or my old, rusty bed that squeaks with my every turn. Or maybe I just have insomnia. I haven’t been able to sleep the past few nights. I turn and wake up in between meaningless dreams. My body is soar but I don’t fall asleep. Perhaps I’m still thinking. Thinking about him, you, me…
In my dreams I don’t see trees or the pale blue sky. My dreams are insignificant; I can’t even recall them. I wish my mind would shut off so I could just…sleep.
I am going to bed, hopefully to sleep, hopefully to dream. Please don’t disrupt me. Please don’t follow me. Please don’t make me think. Let me be a dreamer. I will be a writer when I wake up. I am watching the sparking moon and I’m wishing upon a star. If only I were 12 again.