It was a conscious decision, one that I should have made long ago.
I’m not always happy with what I write. Sometimes I want to shut the computer down, take a break, not write for a while. But that’s something I can’t do. I can’t because I depend on my keyboard. I depend on words, on thoughts that must be written, on stories, on sentences. I depend on writing. I have to write. I’m a lost ship when I don’t write. I’m floating. I’m bubbles. I’m nothing. I’m nothing without my words.
This dependency has come with costs. In a way it is my weak link because I depend on it too much. So in order to live up to this dependency, I now write more regularly, as often as my mind allows it.
When you write, you learn to dig dip, think. It’s all thinking. It’s all about deciding. Where do you put the comma? Where do you start a new paragraph? What is your last sentence, the one that will own the reader, the master of all other sentences?
I make many decisions, not just about writing. I made the decision to get a job, have my own beliefs, dye my hair, and believe in God. I made a decision last week when I was very happy, very satisfied. I decided it’s time I stop blaming myself for not being able to do things that are out of my reach, out of my field, out of my list of strengths. I decided it’s time I start believing in my own powers, my writing, my voice.
I decided it’s time I start loving myself.