She takes my hand as I eat her freshly cooked rice, scrutinizes my fingers and then tells me that they are like Mina’s. I have long, slender fingers. People compliment them. They say they are pretty and ladylike. Mina had the same fingers. I wonder if she ever bit her nails or torn them like I do. I wonder if she left them unpolished and short. It is a simple resemblance, minor, and maybe not of great significance. But it makes Grandma happy, knowing that her granddaughter can somehow be connected to her past, to the daughter and the sons she lost. That somehow I can bring them closer to her by having the same shape of brows or eyes or fingers. That somehow, I can be a bridge to her abandoned past.
Grandma lets go of my hand and sighs. She forgets them again, and they become fond memories of long ago. I am powerless. But perhaps if I pronounce their names and learn their faces, I can bring them to life, temporarily. And then I can see Mina, polishing her nails, Grandma holding them, not willing to let them slip away.
Fingers
Hello lili or sophie.
I read somewhere: all of the great novels are the story of their writers’ life. For example many of literateurs believe James Joyce as the greatest writer in 20th century. Because of his “Ulysses” Which is based on the story of himself (and I highly recommend you to read it). Or as you know Milan Kundera’s “La Ignorancia”. But what was the problem with “Sophie’s smile” the narrator here was Sebastian which how he could access the deepest feelings in Sophie’s heart? In Joyce’s or Kundera’s book they are the narrators. Or you can quote from a third party where we can see in Blazak’s “Thirty years old lady” which is based on the story of him too.
If someone do not know you or did not read your texts from before what can he get from “Sophie’s smile”? I am not a good writer but I am a good reader and I suggest you to read more, because you have talents in writing. You prison yourself in constant feelings and writings. Experience new horizons in writing by reading. And finally a friendly advise: Do not smoke or try to make it less! 😉