I slept the night for the last time and ate the last breakfast in my home. I am looking at my house one last time, hoping to remember everything once I leave. I keep thinking when will I be back again? Another four years? I really don’t know. But I do know that I will never forget Iran and the life I had. I wish Iranians lots and lots of luck and hope they will get their freedom back. I’ve tried so hard not to be sad, but it’s hard. Harder than I thought.
Good-bye Tehran.

It is almost over, my trip back to home. I feel both sad and happy. I’m sad becasue I have to say good-bye and happy because I got to come back. Everyday was sweet and magical. It was the most memorable trip of my life. The reason I came back is this: I missed Iran and its people. I missed my home where everyday of my childhood was spent at. There are many who say they love their land, yet they never put an effort or the will to come for a visit. I did with the help of my parents. I did because I wouldn’t have been me if I hadn’t come back. People forget what a life without freedom is and how it feels to be watched and told what to do or how to dress. Where words of complaint can lead to death.

When I lived as a pure Iranian nothing ever really disappointed me. Not the traffic because we didn?t have a car. Not the heat because I had too much fun to notice it. Not the scarf because I didn?t have to wear it. Not the stares or remarks because I didn’t pay attention. Now with only one month I got very disappointed. I was disappointed by the veiled women at particular crowded places that told ladies to fix their hejabs or wear longer pants. With new styles women wear what they never wore four years ago. Their hair is shown from the back. They put a lot of make up. They wear pink montos and pink shoes. They wear short pants and very small scarves. I was disappointed by the long traffic and the terrible drivers. I was angered by the fact that they never appreciate their nurses the way they really should. I was sorry to see young boys smoking cigars. I was angered and sorry by how many students lost their lives from the demonstrations against a pathetic regime.
You see, I was disappointed over these things in only one month. Now imagine how many times the people get disappointed everyday of their lives.

Yesterday I went to another park. This time I was with my sister and her friend. Once we were in the park, everyone seemed to be staring at us. I looked at the trees and the people sitting under them. Some were chatting, some were walking like us, and others were looking at us. I saw a girl on a bike and two others skating. I thought that was interesting since not many girls bike or skate. I was happy to see that they’re not afraid and do what they like.
I went to the bookstore twice. I saw many teen girls looking at books. They were with their friends or alone. Even though there are not many ways for them to have fun they do what they can to enjoy life They read they bike skate and spend time with friends Another problem for them is that if they walk alone or with other girls boys would often bother them Some men slow their car and start talking to them others just look and make remarks> life for women is very difficult.

My grandmother, my dad’s mom, died when I was 3. Today I visited her grave. It was an odd feeling, walking among the many graves. I sat by her grave and put a flower. My brother poured water to clear the dust. I watched the grave stones and felt tears behind my sun glasses. It was sunny out but not too hot. It was early morning. It was a peaceful place to be in. No sound, no worry, no problems. A place where the soul is above and life is no longer down on earth.

Everyday I dress in my sister’s clothes, her monto, a sort of dress to cover the shirt under, and her scarf. I even put some light lipstick of hers, something I never do in America. Then I take my small purse, put on my jeans and Nikes, and walk out the door with her. I become another girl. This girl goes to the streets and looks at everything. EVERY thing. As many things that fit her eyes. She looks at people with different eyes than about four years ago when she would hardly look at them. She smiles because the moments are too precious. She feels sorry for her people because they’re trapped. She wishes to alter things but can?t. After all she is only a teenager. Can a teenager change a society? I doubt it. So she keeps on walking and looks for familiar places. Places she had been during her childhood. Why does everything look different? She wonders. Was it that long ago? It seemed only yesterday that she had been there with her family, going to school as always and hating it. She had wondered what America would be like? What could be better than what she had? Then she knew. She found her answer later.

I visited my uncle and aunt two days ago. They live two floors below us. My uncle said, So, you’ll be gone soon. I will stay in Iran for a month but of course it will end soon. He told me of the times we were all together and how we suddenly left and disappeared. He told me his house no longer has a smell or a color. It is just a house with a few faces left that show up once in a while. To him our house is only a colorless, odorless house with a heart that still beats.
Whoever I see thinks of the time I’ll be gone rather than the fact that I’m still there. Only a week has gone by but I’m already leaving in their mind. I don’t blame them. That’s life. Is all I can say. I can’t stay forever and I can’t be gone forever. Only my heart will stay with them. Always

Driving in Tehran is a bit tricky. The rules are pretty much broken. It is not really safe. You just have to be very careful and calm. If you are not calm or a patient person, then driving wouldn’t really be a great idea. There’s a lot of traffic. Cars can suddenly come out of nowhere and they will come too close to you. Motorcycles are a different story. They go really fast and you have to let them go through. No matter whose fault it is, if you hit them, it is your fault. Oh and seatbelts aren’t required, only in highways! And kids under the age of 13 can sit on the passenger seat.

Today was another visit to the most beautiful place I have ever seen in Iran. This place is the location of palaces of the previous kings of Iran. These palaces are gorgeous with a magnificent view. As you walk down the hill you are surrounded by trees. Some of these palaces have pools. Then there is river running down below. There are also a couple of museums.
I was walking down there and I was in awe. I never imagined such a beautiful place in Iran. This is because back when I was little we were mostly in the streets of Tehran and there wasn’t much beauty. As I looked around I noticed how much I really wanted to stay there. How much I wanted to spend every minute walking down that beautiful hill surrounded by beauty and knowing my family is there including all my cousins. Yet again I can not live there. I just can’t. It is too sad to even say it to myself, but it is the truth. Unfortunately I can?t have everything I want. I don’t think anyone does.
I’m not displeased. I’m not sad. I’m actually very happy because I got to live two very beautiful lives, each one nice in its own ways, each missing something big. I accept it because that is what my life is. It is still enjoyable. I have so many things to be thankful for. And I have to say that I love my life.