May 2003

I had a dream of you
Lying by my side
Whispering softly
With a smile you couldn’t hide.
I had a dream of you
Kissing me under the night sky
Holding my hands close to your face
In a way that made me wonder why.
I had a dream of you
Embracing me while I cried
When I was upset
For the fact that you had lied.
I had a dream of you
Leaving me in the rain
Saying good-bye
While I dealt with so much pain.
I had a dream of you
One last time
Before reality hit me
That you were mine

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When I go back to the place where my home once was, I will carefully look and absorb things with my eyes. I will write down every thing that catches my eyes. My mom told me to look carefully because I won’t see the same things I see here. I have to try to remember everything so that I will know how much I have to be thankful for once I get back. For me this trip will not be like any other trip that I ever went to. This will be different. This trip will bring back many memories and the fact that I no longer live there hurts a bit. And that is because I have to see my people without the things I have. That will be very hard to take.

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Why is the world so complicated? Why is life so complicated?
Are we the ones making it complicated or was it meant to be complicated?
All I know is that that’s the way it is. We have to deal with it even if it is complicated. Nothing is done easily. Nothing can be done if there is no hard work for it. If it was just one happy simple life, then would people really work hard? Would they care to make a difference? I don’t think so. Sometimes the challenge is what people want. They want to work for it and challenge themselves.
Right now my life is very complicated. Maybe not exactly for me, but for my parents. There are too many things to think and worry about. It is just too difficult to even think about it. So I’m just leaving it to God. He will decide.

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School is almost over. I am glad. I am longing to take a break. I am longing to escape. This time I will go to Iran, my home, miles and miles away. There are paths and places that I need to see again. There are important family members that I must see.
I don’t complain about my life. How can I when I know that I am lucky to be where I am and to have what I have. I could not ask for more. But there is something that I must ask God to give me. And that is for my sister and brother to join us in America.
I am where I need to be. And that is what matters. Because if you are not where you want to be, then what is the meaning of life? Life is full of everything. Things that are meant to be and things that can change. In order to alter these things, there must be confidence and a positive attitude. If you are so negative that you think there is nothing you can do to change something, then how are you going to live the rest of your life?

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