November 2003

I look outside and I feel so good inside. Time is running out and November is almost gone. I have learned so much this year that I feel like a new person. It is amazing how much you can learn in a matter of months. You might not know at first, but when you do, months have passed.
I hate it when I feel that I don’t deserve what I have. I get the feeling that I don’t belong or that I don’t deserve my life. Sometimes great things happen to you and you almost don’t believe that they did. After a while you feel that you didn’t deserve it, someone else did.
School changes every year. One year I like it, one year I don’t. But one thing never changes: I always love learning new things. There are days that I love walking down the hallways and looking at faces that have a thousand secrets beneath them. There are also days that being there disturbs me.
Thanksgiving is only a day away. I am happy. Life is great right now.

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Do you ever feel like you don’t belong? Do you ever feel like you don’t deserve what you have?


I feel that way sometimes. But I know I deserve it, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.

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I want to fly away
just for a while,
I want to take the
road to sky.
I want to fly away
and be a feather
that falls slowly
down to earth.
I want to fly away
from home
just for while,
and I want to disappear.
I want to fly away,
but I have no wings,
no power to release
my soul.

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I was awakened and it was sudden,
I had many thoughts, non pleasant,
I dragged my body out of bed
There was no choice, and nothing had to be said.
The wind was blowing outside,
I had no desire whatsoever
My mind was windy too,
I had to let go, I knew.
With all my carelessness
And the unpleasantness,
The sky remained a gorgeous pink,
Which made me realize_
No matter how I feel, the day will
Carry on; it will be rainy, cold,
And windy too.
So I made a wish.
I wished to be far from
My bedroom, out where
The sun would rise, and where
The birds would sing in disguise.
I would be alone, yet free.
Nothing to think about, nothing
To be ashamed of, just freedom.
But that was just a wish.
Maybe the day won?t be unpleasant.
Maybe things will go well, and maybe
My eyes will see
all the good things that surrounded me.

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This week was both exciting and tiring. The exciting part was the one-day visit of my brother. The tiring part was school and the things I had to think about. One thing you should never do is think about everything at the same time. If you do that, your mind will go crazy and you will think nothing is possible. I am fatigued, but I will still go on.

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“The Road not Taken” by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing who way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling theis with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roades diverged in a wood, and I_
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Continue reading The Road not Taken

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My 4-day week-end is coming to an end. It was really great to have a break. Report cards come out on Friday. Nothing exciting is going on. I have some bad coughs these days, but it’s getting better. Exactly 42 days until my birthday. This year is going by fast. It is already November, wow!

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