October 2003

Mom, I love you
because you give
me strength and
you make me
alive.
Mom, I love you
because you give
me a reason to
smile and look
for tomorrow.
Mom, what would
I do without your
arms embracing
me?
How would I go on
without you telling
me to believe me
in myself?
Mom, I need you
always. I need your
smile and your sweet
words to keep me alive.
Mom, I love you.
Me
I was born on
December 16th.
I’ve lived two very
different lives. I love
life because it is full
of greatness. If I believe
it is beautiful, it is beautiful.
I’ve made mistakes, just
like anyone else.
I’ve lost myself before, just
like anyone else would.
I’ve learned to love.
I’ve learned to respect.
I’ve learned that freedom
is something special. I’ve
learned that it’s okay to
make mistakes and it is okay
to be wrong.
I don’t like war.
I don’t like hatred.
I don’t like it when
people judge me by
my quietness. I don’t
like it when they don’t
pronounce my name right.
I don’t like the fact that there
is still discrimination and hate.
I don’t like inhumanity.
I’m still learning.
I’m still waiting
to find answers.
I’m still trying to
understand myself.
I’m trying to be me.
I’m trying to figure
out what my life is
supposed to mean.

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It has been raining all day. I hate it. It is cold and wet and I have nothing to think about. No, I lied, I have lots to think about. I hope the rain stops. I wish I had someone to talk to. It has been a long yet good day. Everything went well except the weather.

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Everyone goes through different emotions, every one of us has different aspects and expectations. One expects a perfect score on a test, the other expects to enjoy a victory. No matter what they expect or feel, life goes on with either a storm or a nice warm breez. Nature is careless towards our feelings and our everyday lives. But no matter what happens, we have to learn to survive and continue our steps towards our goal and what we’re after.

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My mom is planning a trip to Iran. She will be gone for a month. She won’t be here for my birthday and Christmas. I wish I could go with her but I can’t because of school.
I will turn 16 on December 16th. I am very excited to be 16. I don’t know how I’m going to feel.
It is Sunday and I have nothing to be excited about except that I’m alive.

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A couple of months while I was still in Iran, I said that I felt like a stranger when I walked among the people and that I was a changed person in the eyes of others. Now I know why; it’s because once you know how life is with freedom, your mind starts expanding and begins to think of everything. You begin to question yourself and your beliefs and you start to develop a new view on life. That’s what happened to me after living in America for four years. I think the same thing happens to others. If they live in a freedom-less country, they are not allowed to express themselves and they are afraid to think of things contrary to their society or government. But once they are in a place where they can express their mind, then they begin viewing differently and that is why to others they are a changed person. They are their own self but their inner self has changed.

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I just finished another week. It is Friday, the day we all love. I am going to see
a movie tonight since I haven’t done it in a while. I will see Under the Tuscan Sun. Then I will sleep early because I am very tired.
I miss everybody in Iran. I miss the food and the sweet smell of home. Sometimes I think, why does life have to be this way? Why can’t we all be together? Isn’t that what family is?
Then I remember, no matter how far we are in distance, we are never far by heart.

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