My past, my Iran

I always wanted to believe I was missing Iran. But I knew damn well it wasn’t Iran I missed. What I actually missed were the memories of a life I once knew, belonging, childhood, and a picture-perfect family.
It’s hard for me to admit it after all this time. I thought about it a lot. In fact, for six years I’ve been trying to figure out how to escape from the constant thoughts of Iran. I wanted to stop feeling guilty for leaving because I knew it wasn’t a choice I made. I’d been trying hard to focus on my own life rather than the life they live. I love them, my people; they’re part of me and always will be. But, I can’t live everyday thinking about what they don’t have. I want to live my life and just appreciate what I’ve been given.
I’m not sure if I’ve escaped completely, from the guilt and well, the depressing thoughts, but I do feel free for the most part. The hardest thing now is knowing I can never have that life back. Iran will be on the news and will be talked about on the radio, but it will be a memory for me. A nice memory of childhood…it will be a beautiful past that made me who I am today…but it will remain as the past…

2 Comments, RSS

  1. Pamela October 14, 2005 @ 4:41 am

    I think as you go through life each place you live becomes a part of you. I moved away from my home 6 years. I miss the memories, but the place I live now is home.
    I’m sure the people back in Iran would want you to live as full a life as possible. A strong young woman is emerging in you, the world has allot of opporutunities, and who knows maybe one day you might be the right person to effect real change in Iran?
    Never stop learning, do not feel guilty for striving to be the best person you can be. Knowledge is power!
    God Bless you!

  2. hairofthedawg October 13, 2005 @ 2:08 am

    Smile Lili! It’s the best medicine.

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