September 2003

I love the weather today; the breez and the sun. I feel a bit free from my worries. I am enjoying my Saturday and I feel great.
My life is constantly changing. My thoughts are changing about the future. At times I feel like I can handle everthing, but at other times I don’t. Either way, deep down I am a happy person. I love my life which allows me to express myself in a way that I could never do before. I might not have a smile every single day, but I do have a happy heart. I am happy that I have made it this far in life. It is not much, though it will be some day.

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We won our first volleyball game tonight!! It was exciting. I was very happy because we had worked very hard and really deserved it. I wish every part of life was as exciting as winning a game.

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I keep thinking but nothing strikes my mind. I have run out of ideas. I have run out of thoughts. Is that possible? To run out of thoughts? The world is full of things to think about, full of ideas, yet I’m sitting here and I can’t think of anything.
Maybe I need to look around me. Maybe I need to discover something.
After four days of no school, I have found a time to write but nothing comes. It is Sunday. I never like Sundays but I never figured why.
It’s funny how when you come into a country so full of freedom, you forget that you actually have freedom. After a while you get used to it and it doesn’t seem all that great because it is there. That’s the bad thing about people, they easily forget how much they wanted to be somewhere and what their purpose was.
I have not forgotten my purpose.

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Because of Hurricane Isabel we have no school today! I am very happy because I really needed a day off. I feel very confident right now and I feel like myself.
Everyday on the way to school I think of what life really is. I think of life after high school and wonder what that would be like. What would I do? Where would I be?

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One day everything is right and everything seems possible. Another day everything seems out of reach and hopes fade away. But if we keep believing in our faith and the simple fact that we are here for a reason, we can erase all of our doubts and make the possiblilities inevitable. Anything is possible, we only think they’re impossible because we are afraid to make them real. In our mind they are so far away that the thought of making them possible is impossible.

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There is not laughter in everybody’s house
There is not joy in everybody’s life
There is not happiness in everybody’s book
Some things are reachable
Some things are not
Some things are there
Some things are not
Sometimes there is joy
Sometimes there is pain
Sometimes life is just very vain
There is not freedom in everybody’s world
There is not love in everybody’s life
There is not kindness in everybody’s world
The world is not beautiful to everybody’s eyes
The world is not round to even those who seem wise
The world is not beautiful to everyone, and is full of lies

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The world is in search of someone who can bring peace and justice. Someone who can stop war and bring prosperity. Someone who is humane and knows what humanity is. Someone who knows how to treat humans. Someone who is unique and dependable. Someone who knows how to love and how not to hate. Someone who is brave and can protect people.
Who is that someone?
What is life?
Life is so many things. It is the past, the present, and the future. Life is a journey through time, a one time experience. It is a sudden cry at birth and a scream at death. It is quick and unreachable. There is no one definition to life.

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Somewhere far in mind I think of things that will matter much later in the future.
In that far place I place all my dreams and the things I want to accomplish. I think of the possibilities and the impossibilities. I focus on who I want to be. I try to erase all discomforting feelings.
Maybe in the future things will happen in a way that I never imagined them happening. Maybe it will be easy to grasp and accept, and maybe it won’t.

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