February 2003

I don’t want to be the only one
on the foggy roads
silently walking
with no destination in mind.
I don’t want to be the only one
looking up at a cloudy sky
thinking why no rain comes by
and staring at nothing but
clouds so high.
I don’t want to be the only one
walking down a hallway
where there is silence
in the air
and nothing to excite me
while I glare.

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I’ve been stuck at home for five days. I have gotten plenty of rest. But yet again am bored. My only choices are the following: Reading,writing, playing the violin, and t.v. That’s about all. You see even these things become boring when you have to do them every day with nothing else to do.
We had an ample of snow this time! Boy it was a lot. Everything now is covered by its whiteness. It is beautiful, but beauty sometimes means danger. Beauty is not everything. Having it is not all wonderful. Having a brain is wonderful. Beauty fools us so easily.

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I am not shy
I have something to say,
I can be quiet but
I have something to say.
Words are really powerful,
they can hurt
they can heal
they give us something to feel.
I like to say what’s on my mind,
express,
but cannot find the right words
Within my mind.
Let me think,
Let me make up my mind,
I am not shy
I have something to say.

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We are the puppets,
they are the owners
who move us around
and pretend to give us
what we want.
They start a war
they shoot innocents
they hang
they kill
they do whatever it takes
to keep their power.
We hear
we watch
we let them
move us around.

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Who is the smartest of all? Who is the prettiest of all?
Oh please! Be serious! Does this really matter? Isn’t having individual differences enough?
Why can’t we accept who we are instead of trying so hard to be like others?
We are individuals seeking uniqueness. We are not competing, we are not racing, we are simply looking for our true identity. We cannot change our brains, we cannot change anything that has already been decided by God. We HAVE to accept ourselves otherwise we’ll never be satisfied. Never. We can change our minds though, think deeper, but we are still we. All of us have different talents, different ideas, that makes us unique. And accepting ourselves is a challenge and there is simply no other choice.

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Are you an optimist-one who sees life beautifully with the acception of its ugly sides and with a positive outlook?, or a pessimist-one who sees life just as a big disaster with no way to get out?
Well if you are an optimist good for you! Life is not just a big disaster which you have fallen into. It can be so good if you keep that good and positive atitude. It will be difficult at times but let’s face it, nothing is easy.
Now if you are a pessimist, you need to look on the positive side. If you can learn how to ignore the ugly sides of life or can deal with it, you’ll be fine. The thing about being a pessimist is you won’t get to enjoy what you have for as long as you breath. We only get to live once in this so called disaster of yours, only once and that’s it. Trust me you don’t want to be like this until you’re 80.
Now if you think there is an after life… then I don’t know!

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Before I can close my eyes,
I think of what tomorrow does
another mystery, yet another pause.
Or what if tomorrow never comes?
As I’m ready to fall asleep
worries are gathered around my brain
having a feast of their own,
my desire for a new start slowly fades.
My eyes are now tightly shut
I have said good-bye to my finished day
soon I will have a dream,
from everything that has ever happened,
brightly in a gleam.

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Sitting on a piece of wood,
staring out in the fog,
I’m going through my childhood.
When I was a little girl,
growing up in the city of Tehran,
I didn’t know what life was.
As I grew older and saw the faces,
I realized it was just a fuzz.
Faces told me different things
emotions mixed with thoughts
Had no clue what life brings.
Crossing the Atlantic,
I moved to a different life
Faces changed along with dreams
I no longer knew who I was.
Time was flying fast,
memories were no longer near
the world was turning in full blast.

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