The Raucous Inside

There is a raucous inside me
a nuclear war
I can burst at any moment
I used to curse at my belly
as I tugged at my shirt
gripped with an unbearable ache
wishing my belly didn’t exist
Where is the love?
I had to ask myself one day.
when did I stop loving myself
or did I ever start?
The raucous reminds me of the Middle East
the injustices that anger my insides
all the times I feel futile
what have I done to the Middle East?
I left
that’s what I have done
We
immigrants and nonbelievers
we all turned our backs
and we all said enough is enough
we wanted freedom
we wanted to breathe without fear
of execution
What have we done to the Middle East?
There is a raucous inside me
and I bend over with arms hanging loose
my fingertips almost reaching my toes
and with an exhale comes out muffled sounds of pain
I am in the bathroom and there are people in my living room
so I am silencing my pain
and I am hurting and my belly is screaming
I am going to burst at any moment.

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